Fear

I had no clue to the wherefores of my irrational thinking at school today. I felt desolated and lonesome; persona non grata, in more plain words -a pariah.

 

Was it because of the material I had been reading? I had a difficult time seeking the answers for my despondent emotions. All that is known, to me, was that I feared that I would retrace the painful process back to the dark state of melancholy, make a fiasco out of turning into a better person.

 

On hindsight, the trigger was made by a, once, close friend, whoose tongue, never failed to hurt me; the one who might have aggravated my depression with what little confidence I had in myself just a year ago(take a few months). Recently, seeing him and hearing the same words that once smashed my self-image, made me regress to the past perception of myself.

 

Had I not begun, this year, to move away from the past I loathed? I no longer attach or rely on others for emotional support to a high degree or even an average degree. I believe in self-empowerment -the power to do anything lie with yourself and has got nothing to do with god. Note that I have not implied that my belief in god has extinguished, I only refuse to acknowledge that every good is the result of the divine, if that held true, then god had to be blamed for every baneful scene of life. Therefore, once again, self-empowerment, we do things right because of us, not because of some non-existant devil! Acceptance of the good and bane.

 

Great! My mood has lightened up. I needed to do some musings just to figure out some matters. Afterall, knowledge is power. It enables you to rationaly know what to do if you are angry, for example.

 

Ciao.

 

 

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